you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
