he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
