You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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