btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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