I didn't shave. On purpose
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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