Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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