tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
