you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
