so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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