I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
