i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
