he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
