apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
