I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
God, I missed his penis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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