"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
