just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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