just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's blow job season.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
