dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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