We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
