I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
