2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
time to smoke my breakfast
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
