I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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