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We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
