So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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