She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
