never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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