Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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