I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
