He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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