You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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