i permit you to call me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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