the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
