dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
