you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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