He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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