would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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