so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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