I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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