im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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