Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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