I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
