My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
