it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
