I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
