your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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