John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
