Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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