There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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