don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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