Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
