Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
