Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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