I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
