Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
ttyl tear gas
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize