Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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