It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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