he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
