there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
