is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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