you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
