I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
