I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
