Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
