I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
