the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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