Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize