How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
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my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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